Alarm clocks are, as a rule, as horrible as they are necessary. This is because sleeping is better than waking up, and that a noise loud enough to jolt you from your slumber is, generally speaking, unpleasant. (A bright light and/or sudden shaking awake, depending on your preferred alarm clock model and hearing, isn't more fun either.) If you instead opt for a song, you may grow to hate that song, as the beloved chorus of, say, Bone Thugs N Harmony's "1st of Tha Month" becomes associated with the dread hour of waking. But what are you to do if the usual bleating tones from an alarm clock don't convince you to get up? What device will prevent you from hitting the snooze button until you barely have time to put on your shoes before you fly out the door? The inventors of the world have heard your pleas, and have designed some truly horrible alarm clocks to deliver you from your sleep.
A Clock That Looks Like a Bomb You Have to Defuse
You know those nightmares you get after watching too many action movies where you have to defuse a bomb by find and snipping the correct wires? Well that can be your actual life every day with this highly stressful alarm clock. The Danger Bomb Clock will make a violent explosion sound if you do not put in the correct code by "snipping" the toy wires in the correct order in the timeframe you've allotted yourself. As the description that was clearly translated from Japanese to English by a machine notes, "Late is eliminated with this?!"
A Clock That Requires You to Answer a Puzzle to Turn Off the Alarm
Maybe your nightmares are of the classic "I am back in school and haven't taken math all year but there's an exam" variety? No worries! There's a hostile alarm clock for you. This Mensa Puzzle Alarm Clock requires you to figure out a brainteaser in order to turn off the terrible sound it makes. A player has to memorize the sequence of flashing lights and type it back into the clock in the correct order to silence the alarm, otherwise the horrid beeping sound commences again, even louder than before. GREAT.
A Clock That Actually Runs Away from You
The Clocky is an alarm clocks on wheels. You can set your snooze time from zero to nine minutes, and after that, the Clocky goes hogwild. It runs away from you on its tiny, terrible wheels, emitting a random pattern of beeping, requiring you to actually chase after the clock in order to shut it off. Just typing that is stressing me out and making me feel tired. The Clocky comes in an array of bright and vibrant colors that will inevitably be scuffed once you begin hurling objects at random towards the Clocky in order to shut it up, for the love of god.
The Clock That Requires You to Shoot It to Turn It Off
If you love laser tag and want to bring physical violence to your alarm clock, this might get you out of bed on time. The Gun Alarm Clock requires you to use the "gun" to shoot at a target in order to snooze. You can also record your own wakeup message, probably comprised of indecipherable yelling, in order to rouse yourself and/or deeply troll someone with your holiday gift.
The Alarm Clock That Goes Airborn
In the same vein as the Clocky, the Northwest Flying Alarm Clock contains an element that runs away from your sleeping body. This awful machine will not cease its chirruping until you catch and dock the propeller, which will probably become tangled into your curtains or frighten your dog or cause all other manner of chaos.
The Alarm Clock That Is Also a Home Gym
Not only does this alarm wake you up, it won't stop beeping until you've done the required number of upward curls. Luckily it isn't very heavy—two pounds, give or take—so it's not like you need to get ripped to use your alarm clock. Nonetheless, I hate it.
The Most Sadistic Alarm Clock of All Time
We've featured a number of incredibly horrible ways to wake up here, but the SnuznLuz has to be the meanest alarm clock ever made. It connects via wifi to your actual, honest-to-god bank account, and every time you hit snooze it donates your real money to an organization you hate. So not only will sleeping in fill you with deep self-loathing, it has the potential to actually bankrupt you. It is just the worst. It seems impossible that anyone would inflict this upon themself, but, you, know, whatever wakes you up in the morning.