Unless you're completely new to the internet, you’ve seen at least one “Disney Princesses If They Were…” article. Disney princesses have been reimagined as real people, parents, hipsters, hot dogs, and men, among many, many other scenarios. But until now, no one has imagined Disney Princesses in what is presumably their truest form: as breakfast-lovers. They say that you should eat breakfast like a king, but probably what they mean is you should eat breakfast like an animated cartoon princess, right? Right. So pick your favorite Disney royal figure and learn how to plan a meal like they would.
The only rules to eating breakfast like Snow White are to include apples (non-poisoned, preferably), cook everything yourself, and clean up everything yourself. Singing while you do these tasks will either soothe or annoy the hell out of you, but really, the choice is yours.
Eating breakfast like Cinderella is similar to Snow White in that you’re going to be making it yourself, but you have the added challenge of chowing down in a pinch because you have to cook and clean for super demanding people breathing down your neck 24/7. Also, you can’t use a microwave – that’s cheating. Bulk-produced homemade granola it is.
The heroine of Sleeping Beauty is that girl we’ve all been at some point: the one who overeats at brunch and spends the rest of her Sunday sleeping. Go out and order the most carb-packed, enormously rich thing on the menu, then go home and crash. Or better yet, get someone—it doesn’t have to be fairies, but if you can get fairies, I applaud you—to serve you breakfast in bed. Two birds, one stone, etc.
You’re obviously going to want to steer clear of any seafood-infused breakfast items here, like smoked salmon/lox on bagels and crabmeat-stuffed omelets and whatnot, unless you’re going for a horror-movie version of everyone’s favorite mermaid princess. For an Ariel breakfast, I’d suggest a nice seaweed smoothie and maybe some herbal tea (organic if you’re a Hipster Ariel fan and really, who isn’t?) if you still feel like something’s missing. You know, to soothe your throat and preserve your voice.
I know you’re expecting some words about French baguettes and “The Grey Stuff” (which you can actually get at Be Our Guest restaurant at Walt Disney World, FYI), but to be honest, all you need to do breakfast like Belle is get up in the middle of the night to eat after refusing dinner. Also, if you can afford to hire a team of like 150 people who know how to cook while simultaneously singing, dancing, and wearing dining-inspired costumes, that would be ideal. Actually, oatmeal during normal daylight hours would be fine too. Just make sure you house-train your tablemates first.
Princess Jasmine lives in the fictional city of Agrabah, in a palace likely inspired by the Taj Mahal – which is in Agra, India. So it’s probably safe to say that if you want to eat like Princess Jasmine, you should learn to cook an Indian breakfast or find a place that serves it. Parathas with yogurt, potato curry, fried nasta, etc. And if you just want to pretend like you’re the Epcot version of Princess Jasmine, who hangs out with her boytoy Aladdin in the Morocco pavilion, there’s always baklava (hey, it’s a pastry).
Speaking of Disney taking liberties, they did Pocahontas no service by pretending she had a happily ever after when we all know the truth. That aside, eating breakfast like her (or the Disney version of her, anyway) would probably be similar to how you would eat when camping, except without having to catch food yourself. Trail mix, smoked fish, berries, etc. are on the right track. Just don’t commit to the camping theme so hard you make s’mores. Modern marshmallows weren’t around in 15th century Jamestown…but then again, Disney bent history wildly for this movie, so if you want to make s’mores for breakfast and call yourself Pocahontas, you do you.
There are scenes in Mulan where Mushu presents her with bacon and eggs and porridge, but let’s be real: Mulan would’ve been all about the original brunch, dim sum – particularly because it dates back to imperial China, which is when Mulan’s story takes place. Aside from being all the rage starting way back when, the starchiness of dim sum will give you enough energy to get you through a long, rigorous day of training (if not for the Chinese army with animated hottie Li Shang, then like…crossfit, or whatever).
I’m from New Orleans, so I have a soft spot for Tiana (plus, she’s super badass and underrated but that’s another piece for another time). One word on how to eat breakfast like her: beignets. Preferably from Café du Monde or Morning Call, but if you’re not within driving distance of NOLA, there are some legit recipes that will get you close. The real secret to a perfect beignet is mixing the dough just right, using the proper oil, having patience, and dousing those babies in more powdered sugar than you’ve ever seen in one place in your life – seriously, when you think you’re done, just keep going.
Tangled takes place in a fictional kingdom called Corona, but the actual “Rapunzel” fairytale is German. And according to the film’s production designer Doug Rogers, central Europe was a big influencer for its setting – particularly Eastern Germany, Poland, and Hungary. So to eat breakfast like Rapunzel, you’ll first need to pick a really good German breakfast recipe. Then you need to get up super early (so if you’re a brunch person more than a breakfast person, see Aurora), and set the mood with a ton of lanterns. Just don’t burn the house down.
Traditional full Scottish breakfasts are similar to English and Irish ones in the sense that they tend to include eggs, bacon, beans, sausage, “puddings,” and the kitchen sink. If you want to eat like Merida, you kind of have to go all in. It’s a lot of food, but at least all the parts are pretty straightforward. If you want to get adventurous, though, there’s always the Scotch egg (which apparently was actually invented in London, but it says “Scotch,” so I’m going with it). OH, and you could watch this video while you make and/or eat it, and have the song stuck in your head for weeks. Hooray!
Anna and Elsa
Frozen's Anna and Elsa haven’t been official inducted into the Disney Princess lineup yet, so to make up for including them in my Disney-canon-filled head, I’ll lump them together on this list. These sisters are obsessed with anything chocolate, so a stack of chocolate-chip pancakes would probably go pretty far. Oh, and a nice cold brew on the side if you want to channel Elsa, because obviously.