For a humble toaster pastry, the Pop-Tart is at the epicenter of some very strong opinions. Are you a berry person, or do you prefer one of the chocolatier flavors? Frosted or unfrosted? Toasted or straight outta the packet? And so it's only natural that as one of our first endeavors, the Extra Crispy staff made it our business to make a definitive bracketed ranking of our nation's most precious vending machine offering. That means each of us tried at least a small bit of every single flavor of Pop-Tart the good folks at Kellogg's would send along to us.
Yes, there were some serious office sugar comas. No, no one tried them with butter (you monsters).
The basic bracketology was this: Two flavors were tasted against each other, and the one found most universally pleasing advanced to the next round. All were eaten plain out of the packet rather than toasted, because laziness and we don't have a 22-slot toaster—yet. (Though, FYI, our address is in the footer and we love toaster-sized surprises.) Out of the potential Pop-Tart contenders, we selected only the frosted kind, to prevent filling flavor overlap, and because if there is an option for frosting, we'll take it. We seeded them in rounds based on what flavors we suspected would be most likely to win. Some results followed our predictions (long live raspberry!) and others were hotly debated upsets (who thought cinnamon roll would beat out chocolate chip?) but overall we could agree that, um, we were extremely full.
Because no one else should probably eat 22 Pop-Tarts in a single sitting, here are the results from our extremely scientific Pop-Tart madness bracket.