I don’t do well in the heat. I’m a lifelong East Coast gal who spends a solid four months a year googling real estate in Canada, wondering why I’m living in a place that makes me feel like my organs are melting. I’m a heavy sleeper and perpetually cranky and lethargic, which makes me a million times worse to deal with in the morning (pray for my husband, guys). When it comes to breakfast in the summer, I don’t want to eat at all. I know the act of digesting will require using whatever little energy I have, which I’d rather save for complaining. But I understand how science works, and know that if I want to continue spending my days whining loudly and making other people as miserable as I feel, then I’m going to need to put some calories in my body.
For me, summer breakfast has to adhere to three tenets. One, it must require almost no labor whatsoever, as I am way too physically uncomfortable to do anything in the kitchen without a decent amount of motivation, and there’s no way I’m building that up first thing in the morning. Two, it should be as cold as possible, so I can feel like I’m being air conditioned from the inside. Three, it should not require real plates or anything else I will have to wash. That would mean morning chores, and I’m not having any of that until after Labor Day.
Here are three of the breakfasts I eat religiously during the summer to cool off and not die.
I’ve normally only heard about these in the context of dieting, and the second I hear some blog crowing that something will make you “forget all about ice cream” I’m like NOPE. That’s a surefire way to tell that a dish is going to be spectacularly disappointing, but you’re going to have to grit your teeth and pretend you’re just crazy about it because peer pressure never ends, especially when it comes to ice cream substitutes.
Frozen grapes will not make you forget about ice cream, so get that bullshit out of your head. Think of them only as what they are—little frozen orbs of sweet fruity magic—and you will be floored by how amazing they are. Keep them in little plastic baggies and pop them in your mouth while you’re in the shower, which is a very underrated spot to enjoy breakfast.
Orange Juice Ice Cubes
Remember when you were a kid and you’d make ice pops by putting juice in paper cups with wooden sticks? It’s just like that but without the cups and sticks, because that just ends up making a mess as it gets drippy. Put OJ (or any juice you want) into an ice cube tray, unmold and portion them out into the little plastic baggies, then eat them in the shower. Seriously, you really need to try this.
Sometimes I take a shower at night, so the next morning I’ve got to change things up. I like keeping a bunch of hard-boiled eggs in the fridge for a quick shot of protein, but they can be really sad and boring when eaten plain. My solution: Stick them in a baggie with a bit of spice mix—like taco seasoning—shake it up and you’ve got a fancy pants egg you can eat straight from the bag. After a while I began to want a bit more out of my bagged eggs, so I started experimented with dehydrated vegetable powders. Tomato powder is a favorite, which can be jazzed up with a bit of garlic powder and oregano. Double fist this with some individual string cheese, and it’s like making a pizza in your mouth.