Pumpkin Spice Watch 2017

The pumpkin spice onslaught has officially gone too far. We could put up with the lattes. And the cough drops. And the doughnuts. But there’s no coming back from this. This latest creation has opened a portal into a pumpkin-flavored abyss from which we may never escape. 

What is it? A pumpkin spice pizza. The creation comes to us from theminds of New Jersey pizza chain Villa Italian Kitchen. The dish starts with dough smothered in pumpkin pie filling, which is then covered in a layer of mozzarella cheese. The seasonal flavor onslaught doesn’t stop there, though. Another layer of pumpkin pie filling gets piled on once it’s out of the oven, in case you were worried the flavor profile might be too subtle. Oh the horror. 

What’s the logic behind such a journey into the culinary void other than an attempt to cash in on a seasonal trend? It’s unclear. Brian Lowe, Villa Italian Kitchen’s spokesperson, seems to think it somehow works: “After a few R&D sessions, we landed on the perfect Pumpkin Spice Pizza balance. It's a magical place where all the deliciousness of pizza meets the flavors of pumpkin spice.” Given how pizza and pumpkin spice already sounds like a cringeworthy flavor combo, it’s difficult to even comprehend what those failed first attempts must have tasted like.

The last thing the world needs in these trying times is a pumpkin spice pizza, especially with so many tasty breakfast pizzas to choose from. Here’s hoping that this pumpkin pizza epidemic is quarantined in New Jersey for the time being. Just close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. All of this pumpkin spice silliness will be over in a few months. One can only hope that some sort of gingerbread pizza doesn’t show up next.