If you want to get rid of money in a way that’s not quite as wasteful as wiping your ass with it but still really dumb, oh boy, have we got the solution for you. Behold: the bagel that will prove that Yes, You Really Are Rich! Akin to the $1,425 diamond-encrusted, Dom Pérignon-infused doughnut or the $500 lobster and caviar pizza, the $1,000 bagel is certainly gaudy—and it involves a lot of infusion jargon. The Westin New York hotel in Times Square is bringing back its bagel that lets you eat your money for brunch.
First introduced in 2007, the bagel has been requested "yearly without fail," the hotel told Gothamist—though the hotel neglected to answer exactly how many of these babies have been purchased. The bagel is smeared with white truffle cream cheese and goji berry-infused Riesling jelly, and it's adorned with gold leaves, in case you feel like eating gold like a confused cartoon rich character.
The white truffles are reportedly from the Alba area of Northern Italy and are the heftiest part of the price. No comment on how the literal bagel tastes, so you may literally be laying down a grand for some blinged-out cream cheese, but hey, life, ya know?
There are two tiniest semblances of saving grace to this. Firstly, that the price includes tax and tip, as if that even really matters if you’re willing to throw your cash at whatever; secondly, that the proceeds go to Holy Apostles Soup Kitchen. Which, sure, cool, but as Gothamist points out, a gimmick like this will probably just piss off more than intrigue. After all, New Yorkers don’t like their bagels messed with. If the hotel truly understood New York, it would know that if toasting is an abomination, turning a bagel into mushroom jewelry probably wouldn’t go so slick, either.