For the past few years, the breakfast sandwich has been having a moment—an extended moment. From New York to Los Angeles, the classic egg on a roll has been spiffed up by dozens of chefs, who’ve spun endless combinations of meat, eggs, cheese, and bread in an attempt to create the ultimate handheld breakfast sandwich. But what about vegans? Why have so few of these intrepid chefs come up with a vegan breakfast sandwich that stacks up to its meatier, cheesier cohorts? Don’t these animal-product-eschewing souls deserve to participate in this ever-grander breakfast sandwich tradition? Have they not earned a sandwich to call their own? In fact, they have.

I’m about to find out if a vegan breakfast sandwich composed of fake eggs, fake cheese, and fake meat (cooked in fake bacon fat) on a spelt English muffin is the conscientious alternative—or if, in reality, it is utterly, irredeemably gross.